HOPE

          My name is Jay Chalice but I am never holy, not even once in this entire immortal life. 'Jay' is not my real name but this name is given by her. My real name is Jamlot and it means 'horror' ub a very ancient language. Whether you believe my story or not, I am a real, living vampire. I was once in love with a mortal human girl named Rose Walker.

          That was one hundred and twenty eight years ago. Yet my strong feelings towards her was still burning like wild fire. I was cursed by the pope that I would never fall in love again with any other woman, humans especially before my innocent, pitiful angel was burnt alive in front of my eyes. That small countryside town instantly became my new territory but my sweet little angel was gone, left me still burning with so much of love and passion.

          From that day onwards, Jamlot was burnt off from my name, replaced with a human name 'Jay'. My parents were humane enough to leave me be, for they knew that I would self-recover from my heartbreak. "The first love was always the hardest." I never thought even a vampire like me would actually felt that way, like a human do. There are times I get confused too. Both my parents are pure blooded vampires but they did not lose their human kindness even after hundreds of centuries feeding on human blood.

          "Self-control is the key, my son," said my father. When I was still a small vampire, I was first taught the "Art of Hunting", my family called it. When only the elders (ancient and very old vampires) reconfirmed that I was ready to learn 'human habits': reading, writing and painting. I was not easy to control a vampire's lust and desire over humans' blood. After almost a century of learning self-control, I was finally get to learn the humans' language. It was my gratuation exmas' time when I was struck by a cupid's arrow.

          "Rose..." The pope's curse was still alive and powerfully effective within me. For ever more than a century, I had tried to look at another woman, both vampiress and female humans. It hurts me too, for I had to sacrifice their true feelings for me. I am a vampire and I am immortal. There is no way that I can die. I cried in silent whenever I thought of my beautiful mortal angel. My relatives and friends have always comfort me and encourage me. I am very grateful to them. I am still a vampire and although my last name is Chalice, I am not holy, not even any vampires. We are not welcomed in churches for God will burn us with the 'fire of guilt whenever we entered such a holy building. Before we mastered self-control, many humans had to be sacrificed.  It was a long and slow painful death for all innocent humans. We felt extremely horrible too but we are vampires and God will is never with us as long as we are creatures survive by feeding on human blood.

          Now, I am no longer suffering as much as one hundred and twenty eight years ago. I had returned to my own life with a fresh but still the old me. Although I still feel a major heartache whenever I thought of Rose, I must live on. I have to live on until one day my patience can earn the God's pity and fate I to be together again with Rose's renascence.  I do not care whether she will become a man. I believe that I can still love her or him again. Yet, a century passed and my life is still as dull and meaningless as it is. My daily routine is the same for one hundred and twenty eight years but I know that God is just testing my resolute and I am a vampire after all.

          "Excuse me, Mister," calls a familiar yet different voice. Have I heard of this voice somewhere before? I turn around and meet with a pair of bright green eyes. On that second, I thought of Rose. He is a young man, not more than twenty. He may has the same eyes as Rose's but he has messy black hair. He is dressed in a waiter outfit. His smile reminded me of my angel. He does look a little feminine, almost like a girl.

          He holds a black object in front of me. When I look clsoer at the familiar object, I realize it is my wallet. How did it end up on this stranger's hands?

          "I found this along this street a couple of weeks ago," says the man with a smile. "I am glad I finally found the owner."

          "How did you know it belonged to me?" I flipped through to check the contents.  I never have a picture of myself because all vampires are 'camera shy', not even our shadow can be captured in the small piece of frame.

          "I had wished it was truly belonged to you. Although I am in a body of a man, I always longed to see you again." His smile is exactly like Rose's. "God had finally granted me this wish."

          He reaches for my head and bring my dangerously close to his neck. There is a moment of fear. Not all humans survive vampire poison if it is injected into the bloodstream. Not all infected humans turn into half vampires too. I thought Rose knew.

          "You know me better than this, Jay. Have faith in me."

          With full of hope, I sink my fangs deep into the soft human skin.

WARNING! Stressful Season!!

"I'm not afraid, to take a stand,
Everybody, come take my hand,
Lets' walk this world together,
Through the storms,
whatever weather, cold or warm.
Keep it going, you're not alone.
Holla if you felt you've been in the same road."

What's up, people?
How is your life?
Mine is still going on, of course,
But tell you the truth:
Mine is only a beginning of nightmare.

My life is going on,
The clock never stop ticking,
Precious time just keep on flowing.
My biggest challenge is just weeks ahead.
The worst thing is:
I AM NOT READY.

There's just so much to remember.
Perhaps not as stressful as the Form Six-ers,
But yeah...
STRESSFUL.
Things just NOT getting any better.
But it is not getting worse...
It's just, I don't know...
NOWHERE.

Friends told me I am losing weight.
For my mom, that's a good news.
As that's what she wants me to do.
For myself, it is a warning.
A warning of stress that I am facing.
I was not aware and not realizing it,
Until I thought:
Gosh...I am stressing.

Only less than ONE month away now,
From SPM, the key for my future.
I had missed my chance in the trials,
If I missed this chance again,
I am finished.
There is so much too do,
Time is rushing by,
Awaits no one.

"And I just can't living this way,
So starting today,
I am breaking out of this cage and
I am not breaking up,
I'm gonna face my demons."