I am back with more randomness.

This post is again, NOT in Mandarin.
Hey! Not that it's my fault, okay?
Not like I not being myself or what,
This is my blog.
Heck! I OWNED this blog!

I am still the same old me.
Still a total weirdo,
freak or whatever you want to call me.
So what?
Oh well, have a wild guess!

I did something extra-ordinary!
Not that it's EXTRAORDINARY,
but very-not-ordinary...
That's the extra-ordinary I am talking here!

You won't believe it anyway.
I seemed such a Good goodies,
As if I am totally harmless...
Kiss my butt!
Deep down inside,
I am a totally different person.
I am rather violent.

Mess with me,
you are going to be in Hell.
If I don't like something,
I WON'T like it.
If I hate something,
I MEAN it.

Lets' just say that I lack of thinking?
Hey, not that you can blame me.
I was underneath pressure.
Forcing me doing something I don't like,
I just hate it.

Perhaps I really should change.
There are people or more than I can ever imagine,
Have no chance of making their own decisions.
They can survive it,
Be happy about it,
And even face it with a smile...

Why can't I?
People are different,
They are meant and made,
To be DIFFERENT from the others.
Or the life will be dull and unproductive.

Well, I really should change my attitude.
 It's just that I can't really help it.
That thing I don't like is right in front of me,
I can't help but react.
Not that it's my fault, okay?
Maybe it was but hey,
at least I followed my heart, own thoughts.

I wonder...seriously, just wondering,
If everyone is like me...
What will happen to this world?
Straightforward, self-centered, stubborn...
Somehow it would be a cruel world...
Life's unfair anyway.
Lets' just harden our heart and
Open your eyes to face the world.

HOPE

          My name is Jay Chalice but I am never holy, not even once in this entire immortal life. 'Jay' is not my real name but this name is given by her. My real name is Jamlot and it means 'horror' ub a very ancient language. Whether you believe my story or not, I am a real, living vampire. I was once in love with a mortal human girl named Rose Walker.

          That was one hundred and twenty eight years ago. Yet my strong feelings towards her was still burning like wild fire. I was cursed by the pope that I would never fall in love again with any other woman, humans especially before my innocent, pitiful angel was burnt alive in front of my eyes. That small countryside town instantly became my new territory but my sweet little angel was gone, left me still burning with so much of love and passion.

          From that day onwards, Jamlot was burnt off from my name, replaced with a human name 'Jay'. My parents were humane enough to leave me be, for they knew that I would self-recover from my heartbreak. "The first love was always the hardest." I never thought even a vampire like me would actually felt that way, like a human do. There are times I get confused too. Both my parents are pure blooded vampires but they did not lose their human kindness even after hundreds of centuries feeding on human blood.

          "Self-control is the key, my son," said my father. When I was still a small vampire, I was first taught the "Art of Hunting", my family called it. When only the elders (ancient and very old vampires) reconfirmed that I was ready to learn 'human habits': reading, writing and painting. I was not easy to control a vampire's lust and desire over humans' blood. After almost a century of learning self-control, I was finally get to learn the humans' language. It was my gratuation exmas' time when I was struck by a cupid's arrow.

          "Rose..." The pope's curse was still alive and powerfully effective within me. For ever more than a century, I had tried to look at another woman, both vampiress and female humans. It hurts me too, for I had to sacrifice their true feelings for me. I am a vampire and I am immortal. There is no way that I can die. I cried in silent whenever I thought of my beautiful mortal angel. My relatives and friends have always comfort me and encourage me. I am very grateful to them. I am still a vampire and although my last name is Chalice, I am not holy, not even any vampires. We are not welcomed in churches for God will burn us with the 'fire of guilt whenever we entered such a holy building. Before we mastered self-control, many humans had to be sacrificed.  It was a long and slow painful death for all innocent humans. We felt extremely horrible too but we are vampires and God will is never with us as long as we are creatures survive by feeding on human blood.

          Now, I am no longer suffering as much as one hundred and twenty eight years ago. I had returned to my own life with a fresh but still the old me. Although I still feel a major heartache whenever I thought of Rose, I must live on. I have to live on until one day my patience can earn the God's pity and fate I to be together again with Rose's renascence.  I do not care whether she will become a man. I believe that I can still love her or him again. Yet, a century passed and my life is still as dull and meaningless as it is. My daily routine is the same for one hundred and twenty eight years but I know that God is just testing my resolute and I am a vampire after all.

          "Excuse me, Mister," calls a familiar yet different voice. Have I heard of this voice somewhere before? I turn around and meet with a pair of bright green eyes. On that second, I thought of Rose. He is a young man, not more than twenty. He may has the same eyes as Rose's but he has messy black hair. He is dressed in a waiter outfit. His smile reminded me of my angel. He does look a little feminine, almost like a girl.

          He holds a black object in front of me. When I look clsoer at the familiar object, I realize it is my wallet. How did it end up on this stranger's hands?

          "I found this along this street a couple of weeks ago," says the man with a smile. "I am glad I finally found the owner."

          "How did you know it belonged to me?" I flipped through to check the contents.  I never have a picture of myself because all vampires are 'camera shy', not even our shadow can be captured in the small piece of frame.

          "I had wished it was truly belonged to you. Although I am in a body of a man, I always longed to see you again." His smile is exactly like Rose's. "God had finally granted me this wish."

          He reaches for my head and bring my dangerously close to his neck. There is a moment of fear. Not all humans survive vampire poison if it is injected into the bloodstream. Not all infected humans turn into half vampires too. I thought Rose knew.

          "You know me better than this, Jay. Have faith in me."

          With full of hope, I sink my fangs deep into the soft human skin.

WARNING! Stressful Season!!

"I'm not afraid, to take a stand,
Everybody, come take my hand,
Lets' walk this world together,
Through the storms,
whatever weather, cold or warm.
Keep it going, you're not alone.
Holla if you felt you've been in the same road."

What's up, people?
How is your life?
Mine is still going on, of course,
But tell you the truth:
Mine is only a beginning of nightmare.

My life is going on,
The clock never stop ticking,
Precious time just keep on flowing.
My biggest challenge is just weeks ahead.
The worst thing is:
I AM NOT READY.

There's just so much to remember.
Perhaps not as stressful as the Form Six-ers,
But yeah...
STRESSFUL.
Things just NOT getting any better.
But it is not getting worse...
It's just, I don't know...
NOWHERE.

Friends told me I am losing weight.
For my mom, that's a good news.
As that's what she wants me to do.
For myself, it is a warning.
A warning of stress that I am facing.
I was not aware and not realizing it,
Until I thought:
Gosh...I am stressing.

Only less than ONE month away now,
From SPM, the key for my future.
I had missed my chance in the trials,
If I missed this chance again,
I am finished.
There is so much too do,
Time is rushing by,
Awaits no one.

"And I just can't living this way,
So starting today,
I am breaking out of this cage and
I am not breaking up,
I'm gonna face my demons."

Sorry, but I don't have a choice anymore!

To all Chinese out there, I'm sorry.

Not to all Chinese...
Maybe it IS... Oh well.
I'm sorry that this post is in English,
also my best language.
It had been so long...
So FREAKING long!
Since I last posted in here.
It's not like I have a choice actually.
The school does not supply Mandarin input.

School?! What the hell are you talking about?!
Breaking news:
I am staying in a college!
For secondary students, of course.
Yes, due to SPM is only less than...
Oh my God...

SPM is less than TWO months away!!
That's why I made the smartest choice:
Stay in school.
Focus in studies.
Stay close to my friends...
Secrets and Realistic actually hits me.
My classmates are not that friendly as they are.
I am the same as I am in home,
End up a waste of money...
I am not close to my classmates,
they are jerks! Idiots! Bullies!

What was done, is done.
I must focus in my studies but
Here I am, sitting in front of computer,
Online, blogging, daily Facebooking...blah!

"My God, you have a lot of free time, huh..."

NO!
I do not have much time now!
SPM is only less than two months anyway
And my Add. Maths still sucks.
My History also quite bad.
Since my B.M. sucks, no doubt that
History, Morals and Arts,
the papers are in Bahasa Melayu...
End up getting suckish marks as well...

"Face the fact! You sucks!"
Yes, I am suck at those subjects.
Hey, I did tried and still trying, okay?
Whatever matter it is,
I will still work hard and get the best out of me.
Thanks for hearing my ranting.
I will do more next time.

Until next time then...

SPM，你想宰了我哦？

God, please make the time stop.

-沉思一下下-

不对，
就算时间听了下来，
那不代表事情解决了……
为什么政府要那么过分欺压我们？
我们也是可怜的小生命啊～

呃……
我到底在说些什么啊？
我该不会是念书念太多，
疯了吧？
不会吧……
我承认我有很认真念书，
但我不是真的疯了吧？

应该不是。
我好歹也是个正常人。

-再沉思一下-

说自己正常的人是真的正常吧？
就算有人说自己是正常的，
但在别人的眼里应该不是那么一回事吧？
那所谓的“正常”又是……
算了，
我想我永远都想不透。

如果我说，
我希望我有多些黑色系列的衣服，
这个想法算是正常人会想的吗？
我自己也不是很清楚……
要不我就不会提出疑问。

嗯……
明明Title上声名了是：
SPM，你想宰了我哦？
怎么内容又被我唱反调了？
就当作是SPM害我的好了。
我在此祝福在马来西亚所有
和我一样的SPM考生要
再接再厉。

不对，
又不是所有人会念中文……
好吧，
那就翻译：
Here, I wish everyone in Malaysia,
who will be taking SPM like me,
Work harder.

好像对又好像不对……
随便啦。
我的马来文一向都不好，
更不想表示我有多“厉害”，
所以就到此好了。

新的开始？！真的？假的？

It's my life! It's now or never! I ain't gonna life forever!

如果我能像以上那样，
那该多好？
呃……
老毛病又发了。
好，讲重点。

我即将要住宿了。
心里有点紧张就算了但
还有无法解释的兴奋感……
这应该不是正常人会想的吧？
有哪个笨蛋会比较喜欢住外面啊？

-沉思一下-

我可不是那个笨蛋吧？
呃……
算了，算了。
应该可以很容易适应吧？
我这辈子都没住宿过呢……
希望我已准备好了。
免得麻烦到父母……

SPM真的好接近哦。
希望我选择住宿是个好选择。
因为我在家懒洋洋的，
根本就无法控制自己。
但是……
住宿有没有人会管耶……
有一个宿舍长还有家庭导师……
但每个都是老师啊！
宿舍里有大概一百个女生……

唉……
我真的必须好好开始策略我的未来了。

如果超级英雄存在，就没有末日了吗？

不要问我哭过了没，因为超人不能流眼泪。

卡通片、电影、电视剧……
真正的英雄就不存在吗？
但是所谓的“英雄”……
要怎样才能被称得上是真正的“英雄”？

周杰伦的《超人不会飞》，
除了在抱怨自己的辛酸、付出等
但却得不到应得的奖……
他还说时机都是忽然的，
所以人生随时都必须要有完全的准备……
还有更重要的：
好人真的很难当。
尤其是艺人，
要当自己就好象就等着被炸弹炸。

他算得上是个“英雄”吗？
被人崇拜的艺人是人们心目中的“英雄”吗？
在我那个白痴又不会欣赏的老弟说：
周杰伦的《跨时代》超难听因为有rap。
但我自己听了过后，
有一句是深深的可在我脑海里的。
有一段歌词是这样唱的：
我不需要被崇拜。
而且还重复多次……

如果你身为艺人，
难道你会不希望被崇拜吗？
我虽不是个艺人，
但如果我是，
我还是希望我会被人家看得上眼。
因为那是你付出的、应得的。

但难道没有一个艺人是不想被崇拜的吗？
先不说“英雄”吧。
要怎样才能被人家成为“艺人”？
有些人马上当上歌手就称自己为“艺人”，
但所谓的“艺人”到底必备有哪些条件？
随随便便会唱歌、载歌载舞的就算是艺人？

那么那些会写歌、作曲的但又没有唱歌的呢？
有些偶像跳舞蹈不是自创的，还要别人教的……
那些导师不是艺人而只是“老师”哦？
天哪，
原来“艺人”真的什么人都可以拿来用哦！
这两个字中的“艺”是“艺术”，
不是吗？

我曾买过几个西方艺人的专辑，
只是随手翻翻看歌词罢了……
哇！
真的假的？
每一首歌的词、曲，
还是只是其中之一，
我重头看到尾都会看到他们自己的名字……

有一次我看电视有个西方艺人好像这样说：
Since you are an artist,
you got to give them art.
翻译就是：
竟然你是个“艺人”，
你就必须给他们看到艺术。

我认同可以被称为“艺人”的是周杰伦。
他称自己为艺人，
我也没有任何意见。
虽然别人都说他发音不标准、有口吃……
但他是个导演、会作曲而且还会载歌载舞。
他的“艺术”可算是可以一目了然的吧？

虽然他不希望被崇拜，
但我真的非常欣赏他的才华。
不知道其他人心目中的偶像是不是真的是“艺人”呢？

我喜欢吃蛋糕~

我的最爱是巧克力！但我也喜欢吃蛋糕。

我这辈子最讨厌做的事情……
不对，
应该是说我这辈子的恶梦竟然发生了！
我真惨……
但竟然我是个女的，
这迟早都会发生在我身上的……
但为何是现在？

啊……
我真命苦啊！
其实也不是什么大件事啦……
只是，
我嫌很多余罢了……

我妈要我减肥！
就那么简单……
我终于听话了。
但不是为了“美”，
更不是为了有一段魔鬼的身材。

说真的啦！
我要来干吗？
又不是要找男朋友……
也不是要让其他人嫉妒……

只是为了“健康”这两个字……
但我妈是真的要我瘦下来……
所以我真的蛮可怜的。

就还不是为了“面子”？
在她朋友面前，
我这个做人家女儿的也要给人家赏赏脸嘛！
为什么做自己也会被人家批评？
唉！

Windows 7...YOU SUCKS!

This is totally f***ing piece of shit!

-深呼吸，沉思-

好，就来讲重点……
我恨死Windows 7了。
简直就是难用到爆！
怎么会有人会喜欢用啊？
真的快被气疯了！

到底要我怎么打字啊？
提到就气……
不知到底是我不习惯呢……
还是我觉得真的很讨人厌……

哎！
不讲了！
我现在真的很烦！

I tell you something:
"This Windows 7 is total bull...CRAP!"
Gah! I feel like killing someone now...
The song playing is Baby...
God,
I am really...PISSED OFF!

It's pretty easy to express myself in English.
It's something I just realized.
The Windows 7 is killing my patience,
That repairman is such a busybody...
What is this system is faster and all that shit?!

I.
AM.
TOTALLY.
NOT.
COMFORTABLE.
WITH.
THIS.
SHIT!

It's my only computer so...
It sucks!
It's either I stick with it
or,
I smash it to the wall,
and I threw it to the rubbish bin
and say good bye to the ruins forever...

I am not stupid.

……SPM，我完了。

怎么办？我有可能会在SPM垮掉……
但我真的不怎么在乎啊……

好了，
我胡扯的够多了。
我那可能不在乎？
我只是“不想”在乎……
好像做的太明显了一点？

唉……
真正垮掉的不是我自己……
也不是我没有在为SPM努力预备……
我可是很努力地在念书呢！
但就是不怎么想碰马来科的……
所以最后，
我还是一样会完蛋吧？

不管了。
这次的重点不是我自己，
更不是SPM这个无聊的东西……
我的电脑垮了！

怎么垮掉的？
呃……
我自己也不想提这个话题……
可以吗？

-深思-

Whatever!
竟然都提了……
讲了也没差，
事实和过去是改变不了的。
是我弄垮的……
应该是我自己弄垮的吧？
当时是我在用电脑啊。

听好，
我的电脑是Laptop不是真的电脑，
okay？
Laptop叫什么啊？
哦！
手提电脑是吧？
好像不是……

唉，
随便啦！
我现在就用着我老弟的电脑！
嘻嘻……
没话题了，
好就在此画上句点吧。

第二个Season的Kuroshitsuji好、恐、怖……

我喜欢SebasXCiel，好可爱！

请别在意以上那句。
我只是在胡扯……
进入正题：
谁又看过Kuroshitsuji（aka：Black Butler）？
我超爱第一个Season的！
真的很好看。

这个故事是关于一个管家，
还有一个小少爷的故事！
那个管家可不是一般的管家……
这么小的少爷就拥有那么大的权力，
还是英国年以最小的伯爵呢……

第二个Season的竟然多了一个管家，
还有一个恐怖、残忍的小少爷……
虽然是很类似但差距未免也太大了吧！
一个属于高贵神秘的黑暗，
另一个却属于华丽的金色……
如果我没记错的话。

现在只有两集……
我还期待着第三集的播出！
恐不恐怖？
你认为呢？！
一个是魔鬼管家，
另一个是蜘蛛魔鬼管家……
还有两个人类少爷！
其中之一是个变态……
我还是很期待。

你最爱哪个明星？！Lady Gaga!!!!!

Greyson Chance is much MUCH better than Justin Bieber

Greyson Micheal Chance!
He's 12 and he is C.U.T.E
AND talented.
He is NO Justin Bieber No. 2!
He can sing, he plays piano and
He can write songs.
TWELVE!!!
Goddess...

-停顿-

怎么有忽然有这一段？！
算了。
我也不打算写过……
摆着好了。
反正这个blog没人看的……

还好……
不然我会被追杀的！
谁？
还后谁啊？
当然是Bieber的粉丝啊！

怪了，
Title怎么和这个无关？
我原本到底想说什么啊……

-深思&听着小Greyson的歌～-

对了。
Lady Gaga的成名作之一
Bad Romance竟然被……
Justin Bieber feat. Ludacris的
Baby打垮了？

天哪……
明星之间的战斗真的好恐怖哦！
也对啦……
人家Adam Lambert那么有才华……
只拿到American Idol的第二名的……
就因为他用于认出他是个Gay，
然后就这样……
输给了Kris Allen。

现在都没听到Kris Allen的歌了……
都不知道怎么了……
Adam可红了！
2012的尾曲还不是Adam唱的。
如果是真的有那种实力的话，
导演也会选Kris来唱吧？

Time for Miracle还有……
Live like We are Dying，
其实两首歌的词都有息息相关哦！
但那部戏的导演却用了Adam的歌……
大概是因为Kris的太过……
Catchy？
不太适合？

算了！
我不多说了。
这次就到这里！
结果我在Title里摆的Lady Gaga是摆美的？！
唉……
不管了。

这次我真的没话题……

我要去旅游！

那要去哪啊？
嗯……
让我想想……

-脑袋空空-

算了。
我弟还有小妹还要上学，
我父母近来好像很忙……
如果有时间再说吧。

不过在家很闷啊……
没有电脑就更闷，
所以我不能太过计较了。
Facebook玩闷了，
就试试MySpace。
如果连那个都玩闷了呢？

-无言-

反正……
船到桥头自然直嘛！
就这样摆着现在看吧。
嗯……
Trials好像离不远了……
预备也预备得乱七八糟的……
看来我是真的完蛋了！

不管了。
我现在就面壁思过。
晚上再继续抱怨……
Bye！

-面壁思过-

我将制造奇迹。

我，AWdgm下定决心要……当一个偶像！

Very funny...
连唱歌都不会的我……
真是白痴在做白日梦！
不过也好，
这样我有新的目标啦……
我就可以环游全世界各地……

-深思好久哦～-

不行！
真是一场恶梦……
我可不想放弃写作的机会……
但我又不想当我父母的接班人
更不想当律师！
想想啊……

-幻想-

恶梦！
一天到晚都是法律、规矩……
白头发都长出来了……
恶梦……
但我又说不过我妈妈，
也不怎么舍得丢下当长女的责任……

不管了！
统统都不管了！
要管就念完大学在管！
但是……
Electric Guitar，
English Literature，
Art，
Drama？
怎么忽然爆出那么多东西？！

哇！！！！！！！
（由于AWdgm因太久没有update，再次回来就神经兮兮的了。请大家放心，她将接受治疗并在一天内痊愈。
证明：如果发觉Blog有所改变了就表示AWdgm回复“正常”了。）

喂！！
干嘛正常要加上开关引号的啊？！
什么意思啊你！
（实话实说也被骂……真是冤枉啊～）

我是真是个“奇才”……

从今开始我就是天不怕地不怕的了！哈哈哈！

-忽然静如鬼城-

算了……
看来我离御我的写作能力差得远呢。
至今我在JS网站投的稿还无声无息……
到底那份稿是通过了还是被拒绝了？

也没则，
我的故事还是可以继续写下去啊。
顶多就发布在这里吧！

-深思一会儿-

这可不行哪！
那我不是需要发很多张post吗？！
总共完成了四章……
每一章因废话一大堆而长的要命……
一小段都起码花上Microsoft Word的一至两、三页……

反正我就不信会有那么大的影响力……
郭尼的作品我承认我根本就没看过。
所以他的作品、文句、表达能力是怎样的，
我都无法解答。
但我可以确认我肯定不会太喜欢。
你问我为什么我也无法回答。
但郭尼应该是大家所说的一样……
是个非常受欢迎的作者。

拜托！
想想都知道人家又多行啊！
人家可是有那种能力和J.K. Rowling相比的。
我仍然还是没有那种兴趣去阅读她的作品……
所以真是对不起啦。

人家AWdgm我认定的唯一一个作家就是御我。
可能我想走她的那条路吧！
但有一点我可以确定的。
在我在中文系列的小说走马看花时，
唯一个作者的作品有这个能力让我停止双脚的……
是御我。

我自己也感到惊讶哦！
第一本我看得中文小说也刚好是御我的作品！
也是因为御我的文法和不一样的表达方式……
而启发我想自己动手以母语写作。
同时也不能忽略自己的英文作品！

我想……
这是我写过最“正常”的一个post了吧？
如今我还是摆脱不了我和英文的亲密关系……
希望我可以在写作领域里带来新的、不一样的独特风格。

好累的一天……

今天过得非常有意义！

我在骗谁啊？
我今日行程就如下：
1）没有在自己昨晚定下的时间起床（还是起床啦！）。
2）做自己也不无法确定是否正确的早操（因为还未清醒……）。
3）在自己的Laptop面前呆了整个早晨（根本没动到早餐。）……
4）潦潦草草就吃了一顿午餐（随便从锅子里‘挖’出来的果条……）。
5）半天都花在KLCC（逛Kinokuniya，电器店，晚餐……）。
6）还未上床睡觉就在自己的Laptop面前呆了一段时间……

Kinokuniya是我的Number 1，理由如下：
1）拥有各式各样的书刊、阅读刊物（虽然日文系列的都不嫌少……）。
2）整体都非常整齐，需要找到的书本都很容易（店员都非常友善哦！）。
3）我是个爱书者（书呆子……）。

当然，Kinokuniya是KLCC里唯一一个最大的书店……
除了能到那里去，应该就没有其它地方了吧？

我近来忽然对唐禹哲有兴趣……
我本身也觉得奇怪。
后来我才发现原来是因为他发了新的、不一样的专辑。
既然他的从他专辑里第一推出的最新歌曲是“I’m Back”，
那么我是不是因该说声“欢迎回来”？
当然我知道这只是在白费力气、浪费空间罢了。
所以还是算了。

我在一家店看到了周杰伦的新专辑！
若不是我身上不够金钱，
我怎么可能不买啊！

嗯？
唐禹哲的？
他又不是我偶像……
只是喜欢他几首歌曲而已嘛！
我买来干嘛？
那样很浪费的。

怪了……
这次的Post竟然又和这堆废话扯不上关系……
算了。

悠闲（无聊）的假日和这个post根本就扯不上关系的！

人始终还是人的缘故吧……

以上是废话。
请别见怪！
看来我真的要好好努力用功K书了。
可能是因为“懒”吧……
最近应该完成的事我都无法办成……
身为华人的我，
中文是比英文差了一些些……

-脑海中的中英语正瞪着我看-

好啦！
好啦！
我的中文呈现程差了一大段……
但我又不会写……
只是有时候忘了而已嘛。

不管如此，
我只是想说的是：
我花上了我这三天的假期，
我终于把我的第三章写完了。
故事是扯了很多……
废话也特别多。
真实度有可能早就远超越了零。
但就因所以才能成为小说嘛！

Fiction=小说
我没错吧？
咦？
Non-fiction中文也称为小说？

-无言-

那……竟然是第一个post那就别写那么多好了……
就在此停笔（逃离中文和英文的混淆）吧！